Fast forward to the end of sophomore year, and dang was it challenging. It was a good kind of challenging. I started the year in tears and ended with a 4.0 (2 A's and 3 A+s, say whaaaaat). As much as I loved Oregon in my freshman year, I knew in my gut I was making the most sensible decision in coming back to Hawai'i. I have been blessed with so many great opportunities at UH.
I knew coming back would be different, but I didn't know it would be THIS different. Call it what you will, maybe "rosy retrospection"? Eugene, Oregon wasn't as magical as I had remembered it to be. Okay, I know calling Eugene, Oregon magical sounds silly, but when I first moved back to Hawai'i, that's how I saw it. In my head, my friends were the best people in the universe, the hobos were the best, everything was the best, that's what made me so depressed being stuck back on the rock I call home.
However, after a lot of things went down that really tested me as a person, I realized how much I appreciate what I have at home. Sure, I may not like the weather, and may not hang out with my friends as much because I live at home, but my family really helped me. Sure call me lame, but my parents and my boyfriend are really my best friends. This was the first time I have traveled by myself since I moved back home, and it's been surprisingly lonely. I mean, I am not lonely when I am meeting up with my friends and reconnecting, but I have these moments where I just feel so isolated even if the room is filled. This is exactly how I felt at the beginning of the year at UH. So I am wondering, have I been gone from my friends' life for so long that I can't completely reconnect with them because I have missed out on so much? It's like reading the first chapter of a book and then skimming to the end and feeling confused. The dynamic of everyone's relationship is so different from the last time I came. Sometimes I feel like my friends and I are from different planets. Did I grow up? Or did they? Sometimes I feel like the only people I have in the world to trust are my parents and my boyfriend. I guess I am lucky to even have those three people.
I am enjoying my time back in Eugene, but at the same time I am using it to reflect. When I was struggling at home, I had it engrained in my mind that everything would be hunky-dory if only I could be with my friends back in Oregon. Now that I am back, I realize that is not the case. Hardships follow you, wherever you go and you just have to deal with it. Not like I am facing hardships while I am on vacation (because that would be silly), but I am just starting to see people without my eyes clouded. Being back, I see the faults of people again, reasons why they frustrated me before, things I had forgotten.
Basically, this trip has taught me to appreciate what I have. There is no such thing as a perfect place, but as long as you have the people that make you feel like you aren't alone in a crowded room, any place becomes tolerable. Not sure if I am just getting hit with homesickness because I have become so attached to my parents and boyfriend, or if this is just a self realization "growing up" kind of thing. Basically, as cheesy as it sounds, home really is where the heart is.
