Exhausted

Has it really been 10 days since my last diary post?! I guess so. Ahhhh, 10 days go by extremely quickly when I am getting tussled around by life. Besides balancing two summer school courses, a part-time job, and an internship, I have just been thinking a lot. Lots and lots of thinking. That must be the reason behind my constant exhaustion.

Lately, I have been having feelings of unhappiness and emptiness. I feel like I am going nowhere and doing nothing that I enjoy. What do I even enjoy? The question keeps on plaguing me, and still I cannot find an answer. I enjoy eating, but it gives me anxiety at the same time. It's a double-edged sword.

Yesterday, I went to Taste with my mother to try Onda Pasta since I was off of school and work due to a state holiday. It was lovely, but the price always makes me feel super guilty. So what I have come to the conclusion nowadays is that:

1. The only thing I enjoy is eating at places I have been researching about for weeks or months
2. I feel anxious prior to going to said places because of my fear of becoming overweight
3. Upon looking at the prices (even if I already know them ahead of time) fills me with anxiety because I am usually with my parents or my boyfriend and they both always want to treat me
4. When I do end up paying for my boyfriend and my meals (occasionally) it also makes me feel guilty, as if I should be saving my money for something
5. In my attempt to take yummy food pictures, I get stressed and anxious if my shots aren't coming out right

So basically, I'm not sure what to do. I am trying to get over my "fat-phobia" but it's hard when all I do is sit in class, sit in an office, and eat in between. This isn't the summer I wished it to be, but then again, this was my own doing in an attempt to get ahead in life. I just watch a bunch of Disneyland videos on YouTube to give me temporary escape, but I don't know man. Nothing is really doing it for me, and I am scared that this funk will last longer than before. I mean I had a mini funk in the beginning of Fall term, it weakened a little during spring, but not completely. Now it is coming back again. My trip to Oregon didn't really help with it, if anything, it made things worst. I just want a sense of fulfillment, like I am doing something right. Every minute of the day is spent wondering about my future, where I'll be, what I'll be doing. These thoughts take up most of my time. I want to be successful and travel the world, but I won't sacrifice an occupation that will make me truly happy for that lifestyle. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel like nothing can bring me true happiness. Yeah, it sounds dark...but that's how I truly feel these days and it's scary. I just want to move away from this island. The sun, sea, surf is all just an illusion. You don't feel free here, you feel trapped...or at least I do. I need to get out of here pronto, and I guess I am come September. But that brings a whole other wave of anxieties that I don't really want to think about yet.

Back to the Grind

Hello, folks! I am home from Oregon, YAY! As much as I enjoyed my trip, I felt pretty relieved to be home. Well, I felt relieved until I realized that I had to start summer school, my internship, and return to my job. The anxiety everything looming as the end of my trip came nearer and nearer was too almost unbearable! Though, all of these commitments are because of my own doing, so I can't complain.

Yesterday was my first day of summer school. I am taking two businesses courses (BUS310/311), from 9-11:45. My classes are alright so far, but my professors are kind of...boring. I was anticipating work being hard yesterday because I heard there was a little bit of office drama during my absence, but there wasn't really anything out of place when I went back. However, I did feel as though I was going to faint multiple times...not sure why.

Today was my first day of my internship at Aflac! I will be a marketing intern, but due to my boss having a family issue, he wasn't able to come in. That meant that I just had to learn the rough basics from some other interns and will just have to return back next week when he's actually there.

Right now I have been having some stomach trouble :( Not sure if it's due to my self image anxiety or the fact that I have been eating a lot more than I should have when I was on vacation. Didn't really gain anything, but still...It's all in the head, right? Also, my trich has been pretty bad too :l

Hello, Everyone!

Hello my little pioneers! My name is Kaitlyn [or Katie], and welcome to my brand spankin' new blog! I have a YouTube account if you are interested in watching me and listening to my beautiful voice, if not, this blog is just for you! I will basically be giving the same info (probably in more depth) on this blog anyway! So first of all, I love to travel more than anything, and I love researching places to eat. I am pretty thorough when deciding where I want to go that it's borderline OCD. Come with me on this culinary adventure that is life as I go around to different places and immerse myself within their different cultures and flavors. I promise you, this will be the tastiest adventure of a lifetime you will ever vicariously experience.